I've noticed it more lately

Yes, I've noticed a lot more lately that our children have grown. Honestly, I've been trying to avoid it, but lately I've been noticing it more. Ouch! Shocking reality. I knew this time will come but I didn't think it would be so soon. I'm not complaining, on the contrary, I feel blessed. I feel fortunate to have been able to witness their growth and to help them be where they are now along with Joe. He's been a HUGE part of this process too. 

Their personalities are changing. They ask more questions and they argue the answers. And even though their faces and bodies are changing, I still see that baby part that I wanna always hold on to. Why not? Why not go back to that mental picture specially, when they are talking back or when they are unhappy about a decision made by us instead of them. I wanna be able to always be back to that sweet mental memory, and remind myself that I have to be patient and that everyday is a constant growth and learning process about life. 

Changes are always difficult, it gets you out of your comfort zone. 

No more zippy cups, no more baby spoons, no more rice cereal, no more changing tables, no more high chairs, no more baby tub, no more bibs, no more rattles, no more baby stuff. They wanna be big boys and don't you dare telling them they are babies. But sometimes, during those vulnerable moments, when they are tired, frustrated, sad, uncomfortable, angry, they long for some snuggles, kisses, nursery songs, and baby comfort. They want to be protected, they want to be "babies" ...

...and I love it when they do.

My role in the lives of our children

I think it is a privilege and opportunity for me,  to take care of our children and to do the fun and not so fun stuff with them. One day they'll be in school all day and I am gonna be doing something for myself. Meanwhile, I am caring, building, teaching, guiding two little people. 

Yes, I am trying to teach them how to be a caring, loving, attentive, happy, spiritual, kind, fun, creative, healthy, tolerant, smart people. You know? Those kind of qualities that can make their life easier, keep them out of trouble, and also be a positive example for others, even for their friends. That's a pretty though job don't you think? So I have the best man by my side to help through it, we make a good team and provide sort of a balance since everyone's personalities are different.

 I'm trying to teach them to get along and to love themselves and one another.

 I'm trying to teach them to be polite and to be compassionate. 

I'm trying to teach them to appreciate what they have. I'm trying to teach them that just because we may be able to afford something they want then they should have it, or if it gets broken, then we get another one. 

I'm trying to teach them to take care of stuff, no matter how much we can afford or how much it cost, even if we got it for free.  

I'm trying to teach them to eat healthy even though sometimes they don't eat what I put on their plates. They, still, will be familiar and know about the different kinds of foods and flavors there are. 

I'm trying to teach them to pray and to know that there is a higher, most powerful, most loving, most forgiving, most kind being in our lives; they know it is God. 

I'm trying to teach them to live in a clean and healthy environment.

 I'm trying to teach them to be patient and that practice makes perfect. 

I'm trying to teach them that you cannot always do it all. And that is ok.

I'm trying to teach them that you can have fun by just doing nothing and that if there is not a play date that day, then you can find your own peace and happiness at home or wherever you might be.

 I'm trying to teach them that their lives don't have to be overwhelmed with activities, sports and events to feel happy and productive. Just having the time available to have a clean room to sleep in means happiness and accomplishment.  

I'm trying to teach them that snuggles, hugs, tears or kisses don't make them less of a man, on the contrary, it shows their true humanity.

I'm trying to teach them to appreciate the people in their lives, no matter how close or apart they are.

Im trying to teach them that it's ok to give your opinion about a subject, even though not everyone may agree; because, how boring that conversation might be right?  

I'm trying to teach how to share because it makes more than one person happy. 

I'm trying to teach them Spanish, so one day they can fluently communicate with their non-English speaking family or friends.

I'm trying to teach them to be proud of their heritage. 

But mainly, I'm trying to teach them and help them understand that Joe and I are doing the best we can as parents because they are the most amazing thing that could have ever happened to us. We didn't get a parenting manual, we have been learning as we go and there are certain things that sometimes we just need more time to learn. 


I hope one day they can understand and appreciate that...

These days...

The boys are in a beautiful stage and I don't mean that the ones before weren't, it's just that in this stage you seem to be able to appreciate their personality development. How they interact with each other, how the love on each other and how they get on each others' nerves, but above all, I love to see them present. 

Everyday is a privilege for us and there is nothing in this world that we would trade for them. We love them from the bottom of our heart and sometimes that love is beautifully intoxicating because all we want to do is kiss and hug them and never stop. Their company is beautiful and complete. They are perfect little pieces of us. Perfect from head to toe. Prefect gifts from above. They came to this world at the perfect time. 

A lot of people ask if we are going to have another one. Maybe the girl? And even though that would be nice I would be also ok if we didn't. I don't wanna have to think that our third try was a fail because we didn't get the girl. It doesn't really matter. We receive what is meant for us. I'm fine with that. I would love whoever is next just as much as the ones we have now. Maybe perhaps we could adopt a baby. I don't know. But at the moment however, I feel like we are ok, maybe later we will, have another baby that is. Or maybe not, who knows. We can make decisions one day and change them the next, and I think that happens to everyone. 

Anyway, I just wanted to write this as a reminder of how I feel about our little ones. I don't wanna forget and I know I never will. Love like this, it is not meant to be forgotten. It is eternal. 

you can't go!

Every morning when Anthony and Joe are walking out the door to leave for school, our little David does this.

He blocks the door. Every time.

If he sees that A is getting his jacket on or right after their daily prayer, D runs to the door, stands still giggling and spreads his arms like he's about to give a big hug, then he says:"You can't go!" We all smile and Joe tricks him to make his way out the door. 
He tells him that there are some sort of dinosaur in the living room to make him turn and go look for it. He used to fall for it but not anymore. He actually tells Joe :"Yea. ook!".  The trick stopped working. He's gonna have to find another trick. :)


It's become a game in the mornings. However, I can't help to think that really doesn't want his best buddies to leave. He wants to come with them. It makes me sad sometimes, but it also makes me feel better when I see that he also enjoys being with his mamma. That makes me happy. 

I wonder what they'll be...?

Over the weekend, we went to see our niece play volleyball. She is very talented and a great athlete. 

We drove about an hour both days to see her play and to support her. My in-laws were there and it is always nice to see them also. I'm lucky to have amazing in-laws in my life. I really am.

While seating in the bleachers I looked around at all the parents, grandparents and family that had come down to see their girls play. It was nice. Many cheered for their girls even though they were loosing the game, and some cheered at pure excitement for winning. Either way, every girl was being loved and supported by her family. 

I think often when I look at the boys, about what they would like to be or do when they are big. Lately, I think about it often. I don't know why. Or maybe I do. I think I just want them to be happy with whatever they choose to do. I know we all have dreams for our children but at then end, they will be the ones who will choose what they want to be. And Joe and I will support them in whatever they want to do. We both agree on that. 

We want them to try whatever they want. No matter what it is or what people think about it. They are smart and we will support them and guide them to make the best choice for their happiness. I'm sure there will be times in which they will be confused and so will we, but I pray that we get the wisdom to be the best advisors we can be. 

We face challenges as parents, but we choose this path of parenthood and we vowed to be the best we can be.  

Hello Cold Gloomy Day!

It's Tuesday and it's cold,

and gloomy.

It's one of those to just lay down, watch t.v, and eat all day long. 

It is nice though that the season is kind of defining itself. It is good to know that summer is officially gone and we made it and had fun. Fall is here and soon winter will be. A time for much loving family time that I know many love and desire. A time to remember that you are not the only one that leads your life, but that there is a higher power I call God leading us to a better and more meaningful life.

Sickness came and visit us and we are so glad is out. It thought us how fragile we can be, and it's o.k. to let your body rest sometimes. It is that awesome machine that takes through all the assignments and things we have to do or want to do. A machine that needs care, and sometimes, it just fails to work properly. 

Seeing one of our boys sick and being sick personally, made me realize that even though we fell really bad, we were a lot better that many others. It made me appreciate my health even more. It remind me that we cannot do it all, and it's just fine.

Today I'm thankful for this cold gloomy day that reminds me how bright my life is. 

[our backyard trees today]

What is Heaven?

Anthony got a blue beta fish for his birthday and David named him Boo. The boys loved to see him and feed him everyday. Sadly, Boo died two weeks ago. We buried him in our backyard and said a prayer for him. He was a great pet and company :)

Over the weekend we got another beta fish. This one is purple, a very pretty fish.

On our way home we talked about what we were going to name him and the boys kept saying Boo. We told them that maybe we needed to choose another  name for this very different fish, and Joe had to tell them again that he had gone to Heaven. Well, Anthony answered back with the question, "what is Heaven?" And my husband gave a sweet answer appropriate for a curious little 3 year old. He told him, "Heave is the place you go when you die. A place where you will always be with God having fun playing games and singing songs". And Anthony said "so is Boo singing songs?" Joe answered "I'm sure he is and he is also swimming with all his fish friends".

Apparently Anthony was satisfied with that answer because he didn't say anything else until we were almost home and he said. "I want to go to Heaven!" And then it hit me like a bag of rocks. I thought "Oh my God, if only he knew how much he would be missed!" Joe said "Not yet" or something like that. "But when you do, God will take care very good care of you". After a few seconds pause Anthony said " But I don't know how to get to Heaven" Joe answered " God will show you the way".

That was it. The conversation was over. 

Sometimes I don't know how I will answer those kind of profound questions, but I do hope that when the time comes I do my best. Thank God Joe was there to answer them because I honestly wasn't prepared, and maybe he wasn't either, but I think he did a really good job. Hopefully I do the same when my time comes.

And yes, the new fish's name stays as Boo :)

What I've learned...

Going to schools to help translate is a rewarding experience. Specially when you see little children full of kindness, love, happiness and understanding.

I have learned that...

Children love their parents more than we can even imagine

Children are full of hope and love

We have to cultivate love, compassion and kindness from an early age

Children don't care about the color of your skin, mental state or what language you speak, all they want is to be friends.

We cannot leave everything to their school teacher; we as parents have to be the guidance and main teachers of our children.

Not because children speak and walk should they be ignored, they are fragile and need attention. 

They love to be told how smart they are and what a great job they do.

They want to learn

They are curious

They are smarter than we think they are 

Children are awesome and we have so much to learn from them!

Words have power

This video made me tear up. Please watch.

Source: youtube.com via Alba on Pinterest

Living

I've been wanting to paint so badly! 

But, really the only thing that holds me back is that we have our house for sale and if I get all my stuff out, it will look a little messy when there is a showing; also, the smell of the paint would be a little too much for the guests walking around. 

However, I remembered when we walked into the house we live now, and the previous residents had all their paints and drawing table out. I really didn't care, and honestly, I can't remember if it was messy or not. Oh well, the point is that I may just start painting again and pick up as much as I can when we have people looking at the house. After all, it's a house and people LIVE in it. 

*******************************

After my retreat, I feel like Joe and I are more in tune with one another -at least on my part. I understand now with clarity what he goes through every time he goes on a Kairos weekend, and the blessings the prisoners receive over the weekend. It is such an amazing experience, and I wish I could explain better, but you really have to be there to know it. Even though for many, it takes a while to click in.

Anyway, I feel like I also understand and appreciate more the hardships of others and that truly, all our problems can be solved with the help of prayers. To me, it is a calming experience, but it also helps me concentrate, and sometimes it's difficult because my mind begins to wander around with thoughts such as "Did I put the clothes in the dryer?", "What day is it that I have that meeting?", "I need to call our dentist and make an appointment", "I need to start writing letters", "Ugh, I have to wake up early tomorrow and I am NOT a morning person", "What should I make A for lunch?" etc, etc. But once again, I remind my self that I need to be PERSISTENT and that I and only I can do what I would like to do and be who I want to be. 

Oh and guess what? I might be joining the Kairos kitchen team, that is if I pass my background check, because you never know with us Colombians ha ha! 

Peace and Love

blessings and priorities

I have been working as an on-call translator for our county's school system for about a month already. And I know it is too soon to say it, but I like it. I, not only work at my own time, but I am also able to help others.

I sympathize with those who have a hard time understanding and communicating English, because I went through the same situation before.

Today was my second time to go to a Special Education school. I was there for a meeting with one of the parents wanting to enroll her child with disabilities, her second child with disabilities! I can't even describe because it hurts my heart to think about it. 

In this school, every child has a disability, and by that I mean it is something important or serious that needs to be addressed. Something that doesn't not allow him or her to have a regular social life. A life like mine or my children's. 

Knowing about these families and seeing these children with disabilities have open my eyes to recognized and appreciate the countless blessings I have. I immensely admire the mom I was with today, and the many others that go through the same thing every single day. 

I am deeply thankful that my children can run, scream, laugh, see, speak, listen, communicate and love. I am deeply thankful that they are perfect physically, mentally and emotionally.

It also makes me sad to know that many are not like mine. Why not? I wonder. Why some have to go through difficulties like these and have a hard time? Maybe they just need to be here on Earth to maintain sensitivity, love and compassion alive on this Earth. Maybe we all have to know about, and see the hardships of others to remember that we are not the only ones on Earth. To remember that we are selfish, and we sometimes care only about ourselves. To remember that we are truly blessed, and we should really have nothing to complain about. Our lives are perfectly imperfect.

I cried this morning after leaving that meeting. I just couldn't take it.

I called Joe sobbing, and told him about the meeting, and how blessed we are to have the children we have. 

I hugged my boys as strong as I could, and ask them for forgiveness for loosing my patience at times, for not always being nice to them, for wishing they didn't move as much as they do sometimes, and for not wanting them to be as crazily loud as they are sometimes. Don't take this wrong. Our boys have a pretty awesome life, and very loving and caring parents. Because we do. We love them more than anything in this world. It was just a reminder that there are many out there that have it more difficult.

I am thankful and blessed my children are this way. I am beginning to see everything with different eyes, and yes, I am only human, and will probably still have hard days as a mom. But I will remember all these parents that are going through more difficult times and learn from them. 

Reminders

(pics source)

New phase in my life

I've noticed that after I finished school I've been watching more t.v. than ever before. After the kids go to bed I get me a snack, treat and sometimes a glass of red wine, seat and watch my recorded t.v. shows. There have been days in which I go to bed at 1am and I end up waking up really tired the next morning. Very sleepy. 

I've been "wasting" too much time in front of the t.v. instead of reading the books I've been wanting to read. I have not touched my paint brushes or pencils or charcoals. I have not exercised. I have not done many of the things I said I was going to do after I got out of school.

I really don't know how I managed all the things I had going on while in school. I don't know how I managed the time and re-energized to do what I had to do. Maybe it was because I felt somewhat obligated. I had to be responsible with school work, I had to show results. That is why I decided that I am going to continue to do what I used to do. I am going to read the books I had been wanting to read, and I am going to dust and clean my paint brushes and start painting once again. I am going to take my art classes more seriously and practice more.

My birthday is coming up and I feel like every day is going by very quickly, and I am not doing a lot of the things that make me the happiest.  I've been thinking of the things I would like to do in my next year of life, I've been thinking a lot. But for now, I am going to pretend that my life is my school and that I am going to do what I want to do, and been wanting to do, regardless, no excuses, I am going to do it. I want to feel happy doing what I like, and feel like I am taking advantage of the time God gives me every day, because every day is a gift, regardless if it's crappy, normal or just plain awesome. 

 source

What lies ahead

The year of 2010 was a wonderful year for all as a family and it was an incredible year for me with many especial events that took place and allowed me to close some chapters in my life. We as a family have several things we would like to accomplish in the years to come. We have projects and places we would like to see and also spend more quality time with those we love, and last but not least and perhaps the most import of all, to be able to continue the parenting journey as understanding, caring, patient, compassionate, loving, kind parents to our children.

When reflecting in the past year there were several things in my mind that I personally often wish I had done more, and which I plan to do more this year ,and the years to come. Some of them are:

Being more brave

Brave to try new and different things. To being able to say no with confidence and yes with acceptance.

Positivism

Leave negative thoughts behind and focus in the present and the blessings in my life.

Volunteer

YES, I can make the time. I can be selfless

Patience

This is a biggie. So I can be a better mother, wife and woman.

Prayer

Spend more time, not just before meals or bedtime but select time for bible readings

Reading

Finally I can read something I want to and not something I have to.

(images from here, and own)

“Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die;  so, let us all be thankful.”

- Buddha

9 years

I know this will be my second post of the day, but I could not finish the day without saying that today 9 years ago I arrived to this country. I left Bogota, Colombia early in the morning and headed to the airport to take the flight that would change my life forever. I was nervous, sad and excited all at the same time. Sad for leaving the nest and leaving my loved ones, nervous because I had never been away from home for more than a weekend, and excited because I was going to see another country and learn new things. I arrived to the Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport in Atlanta Georgia at around 2pm, anxious and confused because I did not understand one pickle of what the immigration and security people were telling and asking me ( And I though I knew English when I left? What was I thinking? I knew nothing! I forgot all the little I knew...). I arrived to the house of a family that warmly welcomed me, and which to this day I thank for every little thing they did to make me feel comfortable.

It was December when I arrived. It was the holiday season, Christmas, New Years, that special family time I was not going to have with my own family. I had a  really hard time and I secretly cried in bed the night of Christmas. I never felt so lonely... 

Time went by and everyday got easier. I got better at English and eventually learned it well. I could speak it and I could also be understood! Woo Hoo! Many different things happened as the years went by. I met new people, found a job, got my first car...etc etc. I was faced with different challenges but I overcame them all and became stronger and smarter. 

Today December 4, 2010 nine years later, I comfortably sit at home, married to a wonderful man and mom to two precious healthy boys. So many things I've gone through these nine years, some easy and happy, some difficult and sad, but I have to say that I don't regret for one second the decision I made to take that flight and expand my horizons...I am thankful for all.